We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
