True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
