Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
