Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
