9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
