dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
