All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
