her vagine was all disorganized.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Pants are for mortals
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
