hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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