how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
