I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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