bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
