I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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