someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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