tell your sister to shave her snatch
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
