if only i could text you this smell
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
