yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
