she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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