Pappa wants mamma naked
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I pour the whiskey from now on
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
