dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
