He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I am puke
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
