Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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