Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
