How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
