my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
