Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
