How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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