Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
