I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
