And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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