Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
