Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
