my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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