No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
