and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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