Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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