i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
