She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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