Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
