she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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