It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
