i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
