Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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