After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
