Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
