he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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