the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
