I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
