The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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