Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
