I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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