Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
